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2004-12-27 - 3:40 a.m.

I am proud of myself this Christmas. Bad grammar there. I managed to sort of clean up my house and make the food, wrap the presents, and do everything despite having a gall bladder operation two days before Christmas. Go me!
I am a little depressed about Big but then again who wouldnít be.

I was even happy on Christmas Eve. I thought I would be lonely and feeling bad but I just thoughtÖ.wowÖI have Tivo and my tree is up and Iím not puking from my surgery. I even had a decent gift or two to give to Kel. He really liked his DDR shirts despite my inability to get the platform for the DDR mats together in time for Christmas. Plus I will get him a metal pad.

My sister gave me the cutest Brooks and Doony purse. Just like Jessica Simpson. Also hair stuff, which I needed. Kel got a lot of cool hoodies. Bryan bought me books which works great.

And last but not least the truck and TiVo. Wow.

I have pain in my legs all the time. I canít walk very well and I canít get up out of my chair. My right side hurts. My neck hurts. My period started. Lots of whining will ensue here soon. I should be in bed but I canít sleep cause the pain meds make me have insomnia. Or maybe itís something else. I am just restless and worried about the future.

I sleep, eat, take some meds, sleep sort of and watch parts of shows, cruise the net. Iím very disjointed. I finally took a shower on Sunday. Felt somewhat better. The slits they put in me donít look too bad.

Okay my legs are better. Now my trunk and back hurt. IG hasnít called and I feel alone. I wish I had a boyfriend. Thatís my big whine today I think.

I want to lose weight and have a boyfriend. I canít have BIG but thereís got to be someone out there for me.

I sound maudlin. ArgggÖ


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