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2003-08-23 - 11:03 a.m.

I have been thinking about this for awhile but I started emailling people to ask them what they thought about the idea of breast here's my email and the funniest response I got.

Okay. Mr. Plastic Surgeon told me I was prettier and smarter than Britney but I think he's paid to do that. He was also fairly charming although he needed a cosmetic dentist. Told me I was a perfect candidate for breast reduction. I am considering this since my child bearing years are pretty much done unless I perform some sort of redneck insemination technique like getting on top of a bar and hollering "Hey....who wants to be my baby's daddy?"


Technically, that wouldn't be correct -- unless you were already pregnant, and in that case, your baby would already have a daddy. So hopping on the bar and offering yourself to rednecks would probably not find a "daddy" for your baby. Now if you weren't already pregnant, then you would hop on the bar and yell, "Hey, who wants to be a daddy?" or "Hey, who wants to father a child with me?" Now technically, that would be the correct thing to yell ... technically.

I am a little scared but I think I can do it. I chopped off my hair so why not trim my boobs?

A daughter of one of my good friends had that done. She hated her big boobs, so after high school, she got them "trimmed." And she went on to have three kids. So apparently, you can still have children with half the boobs God gave you.

Now actually, perhaps you could combine your "baby" idea into a doctor's fee-paying idea. It's kinda like the dollar dance at weddings. For $5, you could offer a feel to anybody and everybody. Your friend could collect the money, and I'll bet you'd get quite a bit -- which you could use to pay the surgery bill.

Does insurance pay for this type of thing. I would think you might be able to make a case for them to pay -- save on future health problems, like back surgery, arthritic shoulders, and bruised boobs (from guys trying to cop a feel), not to mention a renewed self-esteem (therefore no counseling sessions).

Aren't you glad you write to me? I'm always full of good words or wisdom -- well, I'm always full of it.

Yeah so I got spanked by the grammer police.....anyways it's a beautiful day and I should be outside. There are alot of things I should be doing but it's one of my last days of freedom so I guess I should spend it the way I want to.


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