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2006-05-16 - 2:34 a.m.

I knew when he came upstairs to look for me that he wanted me to stay. He had drank and smoked enough that this would be an option for him. I wish I knew why or what had happened to make him feel this way. I shrugged my shoulders and cringed as he put his hands on me. I said...."You know it gets worse everytime.| He replied "please stay we won't....."

I climbed into bed with him thinking the only time this happens is when I am wearing my worst underwear.

I hadn't drank or smoked. I wanted to stay straight because I was getting the tooth that had been bothering me out the next day. I did have a beer and smoked a little. I felt very sober.

He asked me to kiss him slowly. I tried my best to do this but I have no real way of gauging how well I did.

Of course he threw up, of course I stayed, of course I didn't rest because I was too paranoid about how heavy my head is.

He held my hand.

I tried to clean up the vomit but he told me to get back in bed.

When I left he kissed me good bye and told me he would call later. Of course he didn't.


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