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2005-12-31 - 4:46 a.m.

ok...done drunk.....wish wonderboy wanted to kiss me or hold me but no.....I's not to be. I won't cry. I am lonely and I want someone to notice me.
Women my age are just there's not much I can do until I lose some weight and hopefully someone will want me again. What am I suppose to do?

It scares me that I might never have sex again. It scares me that I think that the wonderboy might be something more than what he is.

I need to remember that I can have sex with pretty much anyone but who will I make films with. Who can I be creative with? I have to respect him.

I know that I don't need's just there are times that I want it.

I need to get over my crush......please someone help me with this.....

this just sucks in so many ways.......yeah I am what is to be done about this?

Maybe tomorrow I just need to sleep and not watch TV or anything. I don't want to feel bad for the second year in a row.

I should be so friggen happy right now and I am crying because of my lack of a sex partner......and the fact that the wonderboy can't deal with me.............or maybe I can't be mature. I guess I can't. I wish I could but my heart hurts. Oh why oh why did I let myself do this? Stupid.


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