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2005-11-27 - 12:24 p.m.

I spent the weekend resting. The body count. One DVD player which I hope just needs to be cleaned. I tried not to talk or do anything in hopes that the sick would go away. It didn't and I am still coughing and horse. I have no interest in going to the doctor's again but shouldn't I be feeling better? I have some energy but my sleep is screwed. I think it's because of the steroids. I was careful not to take them after 3PM.

I took walks with the dog and watch DVDs, wrote, and didn't do much else. I should be cleaning or school work. As usual.

Last night I spent two hours looking at the wonder boy's script. It was easier to read this time out. I read for grammatical and format errors not so much content. I think he needs to tighten some things up. It's damn wordy and verbose. I hate one particular sequence where Tracy talks about her son. Tracy talks about everything being 'funneled' through her son, all her decisions and actions. I am not sure funneled is the right word. It doesn't work for me but I am not sure why.

I am so biased when it comes to these things. I still don't understand Tracy and why she stays with her husband, I mean I understand yeah, but I don't think it's written into the script the way it should be. I think I might be projecting and I don't want that to effect how the script is edited. I wish it didn't affect the way I read the script. I need to have my read of it less colored. The problem is it's colored by minimal information. . I also have issues with the way Frank relates to Sam in the bar scene where the no kids things comes up. It's weird to me that someone Sam's age would make that adament of a decision and there's really no discussion of it.

I mean I read over the critique of I made of thing when I first read it and I looked up my journal entry about it. I am still having some of the same issues. I wonder about this.

After reading this I am beginning think that my initial assessment of the wonderboy's ability to write female character's was right. His female character are secondary. He's not like Joe Eszstherhous or anything but he needs to work on this. he called like at 9:30 said he had to go to a family thing....took a six pack of shiner bock.....I wonder about that.

I wish he would have come over but I know he wasn't messed up enough to consider it.

Wish he didn't have to be so messed up to consider it.


Sex discussion ahead. Abandon ship if this is something to personal for you to read.

I feel weird. Maybe because I sick or something. I think the last time I had actual sex was with B. which would have been some time in Oct? Sept? It's strange I wouldn't know this off the top of my head

I'm not horny per say but I feel strange. I hadn't done anything in weeks it seemed because I hadn't been feeling well.

The other night I so needed to be held. That is unlike me. I wanted to just lay there and have him hold me even though I felt like crap. Normally when I feel like crap I want to lay in my own bed with a pillow and deal with it.

I am all about the actual mechanics of fucking. I have never been a real cuddler or handholder. Why have I turned into one? Is the wonderboy making me want to explore the softer side of me? This is something I don't want to explore. It's so much easier to rationalize and do the fuck thing than the cuddling thing.

My fantasies now are about being held, having my head stroked, holding someone's hand and listening to music. What the hell?


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