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2005-11-26 - 6:11 a.m.


I dropped the roommate off at his dad's on Wednesday. I did my other work....went to Onawa, Sioux City....did a few things for money. I think it was about a $200 day give or take the gas. I had to do a MickyDs which I am not fond of but it went okay. Tuesday night I could not sleep for anything. Lately I wake up about three and go back to bed about six. I guess I need to deal with this because I need more rest if the sick is ever going to get better.

Work this week was tough to get through because I still felt sick. I've done what I can to make this better with a doctor's visit every week since I got it and $200 worth of drugs.....I just don't know how to feel better or be less horse.

I did something stupid to get thru the holiday. I invited myself to the annual orphan celebration at a former teacher's house....then got uninvited and invited and uninvited....such drama and stupidity in that whole situation. I was actually going to be okay at home because I was sick...but I went after JG called me and said it was okay. I'm glad I went. The food was good although all they had was red wine....Shiraz and merlot. I had about one whole glass but it gave me a huge headache and made me throw-up later. I don't think it helped that I chugged down a vodka and lemonade prior to going over there.

The conversations at the table ranged from discussions of where to put your relatives cermains, phone in reiki, to crystal healing, to student's drinking too much and not caring about stuff. The person to my right thinks outside the box actually outside the planet....and their felony daughter was at the table with her boyfriend. I probably shouldn't call her the felony daughter but for some reason that title sort of sticks because of something that happened her freshman year of college.....she stole like someone's laundry or something in the dorm.

I had a pretty bad headache....I talked with a lot of people but I didn't talk to wonder boy cause he was hanging with G and BZ at the kid's table. Getting drunk and such....he even made a cute little comment about 'The Squid and Whale" It was sort of funny in reference to my saying that they don't make them read good books in High School.
The he goes what are your plans. I am going home I said. He said why don't you come south for a movie. I said what movie. He said 'we'll pick it out together'. I was like okay and helped JS out to her car with her stuff.

The when I got home he's like where are you at. I said I had to take my dog out. I ended up driving down there with a huge cup of vodka and lemonade and my head was just aching. Chris was home which surprised me.....wonder boy was out throwing rocks at his window......we talked for a bit....and then we picked out a movie. Chris went back upstairs.

It was hard to concentrate on the movie I(heart) Huckabees. The dialougue was so dense in it. It was tough to sit on the wonderboy was doing some sort of herbal activity which I kept thinking is this why my head aches.
By the time we were done and talking about stuff I was thinking I just need to go head hurts and I'm gonna throw up. I actually did throw up about midnight and said.....I probably should go home.....he was all like I'll get you a vi#$adin. I thought okay good if he has one.....maybe that will help. I threw up again.....I tried to use mouthwash just in case.

We went down to his room and his patted the space next to him on his bed. He smoked and sat thinking....I feel miserable and sick and I should go home. My head started to feel a bit better but I wanted to lay down so badly. I laid on the floor with my head on the bed while we listened to the Ryan Adams album which I was surprised by. I liked it but it was so somber. My head just ached with the overhead light and no pillow.

This is where being with the wonderboy is weird for me. I like laying around and listening to music with him. I would do it even without everything else. I just like it.

When I went to go he can stay....and I was like okay....and we laid down with our clothes on. I ended up taking my velour hoodie off and his clothes off. I told him that I like it best when he held me. He told me he felt comfortable with me and something about being beautiful and sexy.

He was hard. He put my hand right on it. I think we both tasted terrible him because of the pot and me because of the vomitting. I tried to make him tell me how to hold it and I tried the whole blow job thing but it wasn't working. He seems like he is about to come and then it doesn't happen. If this were two years ago I'd be freaked out but after the IG, stuff like this doesn't freak me out. I think that it's the guy's problem if they don't come. It's usually in their head or because of the chemicals they've ingested. I told him that it's psychological after he apologized....I also told him as long as he felt good in bed that's all I cared about. He told me that I did make him feel good.

I did ask him to come to my house and sleep in a real bed. He told me he had to work and I was like you can do it whenever. I said you know choices and he laughed. He said something about having a certain affection for me.

He tried to make me come but my head hurt so bad. I didn't have the heart to tell him no. We slept fitfully. I had horrible leg cramps and felt crappy cause of my head.

I ended up staying there till 9:30 when Chris went to work. I should have just left when I first got up at 8:30....sometime during the night I know Wes came home cause of the noise. I think both of those guys if they happened upon us wouldn't freak but who knows.

The whole thing seemed relax and less fraught with tension. Maybe it seemed this way because I was sick.

I am thankful for having the time with him. I just wished I hadn't felt so sick.


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