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2005-09-18 - 11:49 a.m.

So.....last night the young one calls about nine and tells me he has had two shots of tequila and will be sleeping in the back of the xterra. I tell him I am sleepy. Because I am. I was tired from the JoRo drama the night before. Next time the JoRo calls it must be ignored. She always calls on evening before I have to work on Saturdays. Then she bitches me out cause I want to go home by midnight. Is that so wrong, especially since the dang dog gets up by sunup and wants attention and it is so hard to sleep after that. Also the IG called on Friday.

Last night I kept thinking was that my only call to booty from the young one? If he camps it might not be the best thing to go over there. Was I suppose to go over to Norfolk and get him? To tell you the truth I wasn't really in the mood. Why is it that when I am horny and in the mood no one wants me and when I am so not in the mood and my body has that premenstral ache everyone calls me? Why me?

The roommate was here so I had to tell YO that. I don't think he understood that it would have been okay. I don't know though. I feel weird when I have people over despite the roommate saying....Mom, it's okay. I mean since he lives here 24/7 there isn't anyway for him not to know that I don't go out right? I am wrong? I tried so hard to keep my dating, drinking, and general immature stupid behavior away from him his whole life so why is it okay to start exposing him to it now at the time when a good example is what he needs the most?

I also didn't want to clean my house. I am so opposed to cleaning. Why is that? Why do I continue to keep chaos around my life? It would be so much easier to clean it up? Right? It's like I need to take a week off from my life and clean it up. This non-cleaning thing is like a mental illness or at least a symptom of one. I want people to come over but I don't want them to see how horribly I keep the house. I need to sweep and clean the kitchen floor and vacuum. I need to sort through my clothes since only certain things fit since I seem to continue to gain weight. My closet is filled with stuff that doesn't fit. I have files of things I am not sure I need.

Why am I incapable of taking care of basic stuff? Including myself? Do I need to go back to a Doctor to figure this out? Or can I do it myself?


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