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2005-09-05 - 6:37 a.m.

Note the time again. What is up with my non-exsistant rem cycle?

I had the dream again. It involves Big and some women I don't know but I think I should know. It's about collecting stuff because he is going off to be with someone else. This time there was a flood theme to it which is topical but in line with the theme. He's usually in a Victorian Style House like his parents but not. This time there was a baby in the dream and it was the other woman's. This dream is always strange but it's the same one I've been having since January.

I have no comment on this or desire to process it again because I am still not sure what fragments of this dream will appear or have appeared in my life.

Last night I was okay but sort of not because I called IG expecting to be invited over but it didn't work out that way. He continues his trend of calling too close to his bedtime for me to think about making the trip, particularly now that I have to think about the gas money. I have to admit I don't think....yeah every time I run over there for a booty call it will cost me $8 or so in gas. He may have to start feeding me or providing better Christmas gifts.

I was watching an Irish movie which was sort of cute and formulaic and was past ten and the wonderboy called. We talked for a long time about the usual. I asked him if he was having fun and he said yeah. I know why I like talking to him. It keeps me close to the flame. I remember being that way when I was his age. I remember feeling every feeling, the highs and lows. I yelled at him about his high expectations for friendship which I cannot be expected to understand....although I think I did get his point about the triangle script being about the male end of the friendship. I did get on him about whether this is unique and how it's just like a young passion writer to insist that what they have written is original. I also got a glimpse into the why he had to write it down. He writes it down for one of the same reasons I he doesn't forget cause his mind blocks it out.

I did point out to him that episodic TV is my thing...maybe not movies...or movies are like the holy grail for a hack like me. Although he did take me to task for calling Kevin Williamson a hack...cause of the scream movies. I am now an admirer of his melodramatic episodic techniques.

Oh yeah....and he got on me again for not even giving men my own age a chance. Argg...that is so complicated. He did say it is a sign of female empowerment. I just look at it as a sign of common sense on our part. Guys my age want fresh pussy for whatever reason. I am not fresh.....I am more of an acquired taste or sort of like maybe brie???? The cheese analogy just isn't going to cut I suck at this hour of the morning. I need more sleep.

I called my friend who was at Keesler AFB in Mississippi. I've had his cell number for awhile. He said he knew I would call. He's in TX and will be home here tomorrow and he doesn't know what he'll do since his truck is still there. He talked my ear off.....not so concerned with me but told me about all of his adventures in the Hurricane and school. He asked me about my heart if it's been broke. I told him it never breaks there's just the same old dent in it....although this summer I think I added a chip. Maybe I will see him while he's back although he'll have to deal with my extra weight. I don't know how I feel about this but I know he'll look at me with desire and maybe I need that right now. Or maybe he's over that. He certainly sounds like he is. Plus his life is so crazy....and the first born who isn't even his biologically but he has been the only father she has known is back in his house and she hates me.

Speaking of weight.....I have to stop the cheese and cracker diet because I am too lazy too cook situation. My ass hurts because my diet has too much lactose in it. I need to cut down on the milk. My body seems to want or need calcium which I understand but dang I think my stomach's upset and my colon is upset because of it. I need to go back to the grain based thing with some protein mixed in. Then I must cut out all treats and work on pop consumption. The exercise effort must be continued and renewed. I will sign up for Jazzercise because I like it. I want to fit back in my good jeans. I want to look good in October. Maybe I'll meet a guy. HA.


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