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2005-09-03 - 9:45 p.m.

Good Lord. Our football team sucks. I was so disappointed today. They were built up in the press. The new coach said.....yes not only will we win but we will have a winning season! Today we made less penalties (well how could we not I think we led the conference in them last year) but our offense was on the field for too long.....too long.....those poor kids.

Enough with the back seat coaching....or press box coaching as it were.....

I came home after the game and the dog had eaten both new pairs of pantyhose and some other stuff from my bedroom because I didn't latch the door. All the crap went well with the confetti from the pkg I got from my sister which contained 90% tiny shredded shit and 10% stuff I wasn't sure was mine. I need some kind of professional vacuum cleaner.

The cheapie model I have is working okay but it's more expensive cousin is waiting till the engineer at work can fix the chewed up cord. Is there a theme here?

Yes. Need to kennel the dog when I am out of the house. Most of the time she's okay but sometimes I don't have the time energy for the disaster that she creates. I must also continue to clean my bedroom and laundry rooms. Today I couldn't find any of my school logo wear to go to the game.

I also messed up getting my prescription renewed at the pharmacy here in town and since it is the holiday weekend. Nothing is open and I will have to drive over to the next town tomorrow if I don't want a crap headache from not taking this stuff as directed. Since my whole last week has been a headache from hell. It's worth the $9.00 worth of gas that will be spent to get this prescription filled. I was too busy to think about it yesterday plus I had to get the kid to North Bend so he could visit with his dad for a couple of days. He's kind of a depressed mess so I don't know what to do about that.

I am debating calling my friend who was stationed in Mississippi. I am sure he's okay but I am a little worried. According to the AFB website they probably sent him home if his truck was okay. The whole thing is surreal and horrible. We are doing fundraising and I've already paypaled some people I know who need it.

I could probably go out downtown tonight but I am not really sure I want to get messed up. I mean tomorrow is a good day to sit around and do nothing so having a bit of a hangover would be okay. I'm just afraid I'll do something dumb. Not too afraid.....but there's also someone I want to talk to and be with and they aren't gonna be downtown. I don't want to be inappropriate with this person or scare them or anything but I miss talking to them and bantering about crap. I miss it more than I want to admit. He's pushing me away and that's a smart thing for him to do I think. I could get attached and that would sort of suck for both of us.

I miss the connection. I miss looking forward to stuff. Oh well, it's Saturday night and I'm sitting here in a towel typing my entry. Dreaming of kissing. No particular person again, just the idea of lying close to someone and looking into their eyes and being with them. The problem is the kind of feeling I am dreaming about requires that I trust and know the person. So there are maybe one or two people that could fulfill this request at this time. I am not sure I want to add more people to the list. I like the familiar and I am not so much with the new people. New people always have expectations and ackkkk.....being naked with new people.....not so much. I mean if I were at a fighting weight maybe. I am not so comfortable with the lard that hangs about my waist at this time.

I have done a good job of walking to school. I need to supplement that with more stationary bike and some jazzercise. If I watch the more blocks of cheese and triskits, no more dairyqueen, and less pop....I think I'll be back in my normal clothes by October. I want to look hot for the convention or at least fit into my normal clothes so I feel somewhat attractive.

There is a new prof at school but who knows about that. He could be gay or asexual or have severe issues. He looks age appropriate and doesn't look like I'd break him so that's okay but who knows what this dude is like. He's a philosophy dude into political theory so that could be interesting but he seems to enjoy arguing.

This week at work was stressful but I think the Federal Agency fine thing might have a better ending than I thought although I have to go back in and put in some more information that I am just not comfortable doing because I don't have the correct dates in the logs about them. I will try my best. I am glad it's over and may be I can concentrate on my own work.

I write a lot of run on sentences.....shame on me.


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