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2005-07-27 - 11:37 a.m.

I always wanted someone to write a poem about me. I don't care what the poem is concerned with but I think I just wanted something where someone cared enough to analyze and deconstruct their perception of me. I know that when I accidentally read Big's 'novel' that he wrote I was pissed because the paragraph, again THE PARAGRAPH about me was that he learned nothing from me in the 12 years we dated. Nothing. So yeah, more stuff to make me feel terrible.
I wish I could use this negative energy to create. I feel the need to create. I know its coming. It's there.
I wrote some stuff the other day that I don't think I will post. I mean I should post it but I was working out some issues about my current situation. The situation that is somewhat awkward but is also something that I feel light hearted about. I mean it's sort of something to look forward to. I think it's also something that could distract me from my pain. But I would feel cheesy and crummy using someone for that but I think this person is using me for the same function maybe.
Today I do not want to work. I'm really don't I don't want to work for the next couple of weeks. I'm wondering if I could get myself fired from my dog food job. Oh that would be sweet.


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