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2005-01-14 - 4:33 a.m.

The Big O on Saturday was fine. The movie..ehhh..not so good but the soundtrack was damn fine. I went with Z. who seems to be heartbroken and intense about some woman he had a crush on. He got horribly drunk at the Theater party we went to and tried to lift an expensive bottle of tequila. It was good to see the young one out with his girlfriend. I will always wonder how carefully did she listen to me when I talked about him with M and D after ShelterSkelter. It did feel good to be out. I was tired all day on Sunday.

I went back to work this week. Ended up doing two days because my throat is sore and the antibiotics make it difficult to exist without being two steps away from the toilet facilities. I hate zithrom@x. But itís what I had. I should have just gone in and gotten some @ugmentin but I owe so much cash right now for doctors and surgery. And my deductible starts again. My stupid insurance.

I hate being this sick. I sleep all day and do not want to sleep at night or I end up dozing for a twenty four hour period with no meaningful sleep. My throat hurts. Eating is complicated in so many ways because of the antibiotics and just the blah feeling. I wish I could eat ice cream but I know it would cause problems later. I keep downing my sugar free tang and low cal lemonade. I hope for the best. I should drink some tea but it seems to be a problem to coordinate that. I had ramen for dinner. It was fine until about twenty minutes later when I had to spend a lot of time on the toilet. I guess thatís TMI

IG hasnít picked up his dog yet. Tonight he called because his ex-girl friendsí father died. He was very close to her family. I have mixed feelings about all this but the ex is in her 2nd or maybe third marriage so I donít worry too much about it. I think IG dug her son and the idea of the instant family. I think IG is into the idea of a family but he seems so selfish that I donít know if he could actually survive in that sort of setting.

Sometimes I wonder in the twilight of my fertile years what it would be like to have a baby with him. ManÖÖIíd have to take care of the infant and pray that he fall in love with his child. He just seems so into himself that I donít know if he could deal with the whole unconditional love thing with kids. There was one night when we were at the house of the man that just died where he told me under a beautiful summer sky that he just wanted someone to be there for him.

The dog is a cutey patooty. Sheís also polite and easy to care for. The only problem is itís about -5 out at all times so running around outside with the dog is not something I am enjoying while being sick. Plus my yard looks ukky with all of the dog shit. Luckily she is well behaved dog. She does fart up a storm and she can be a bit boisterous but nothing like Baxter. I get really worried about Baxter at times. He is such a short hair and the weather right now is fierce. The poor thing must be freezing.

I keep having dreams about Big getting married. They are weird dreams. I wish they would stop. I keep having them. They bother me. Last night I had to be in his wedding with his bride. It was totally strange.


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