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2005-01-04 - 2:26 a.m.

I spent most of today on my couch drifting in and out of sleep. Yesterday I did pretty much the same thing because itís nasty out and I am still on the pain meds. Iím turning into an addict. The meds keep me in a drowsy yet awake state so I can watch many DVDs. I need more DVDs and tomorrow promises more of the same crap weather. Yesterday IG came over and slept on my couch for an hour after giving me my Christmas gift. He is not a sentimental boy, thatís all I have to say. My son scared the crap out of us when he came home because we were entangled on my couch. I think the last time Kel caught me with someone might have been right after the Big appendix in 1993 or perhaps the Paul incident of 1993? I donít remember the Paul one wasnít terrible cause I think I was in the kitchen and he was in the bedroom. He just ran in there and thought it was his dad. The BigÖehhhÖI can Ďt remember it clearly.

The IG felt good yesterday I was wasnít up for sex but the cuddling was nice. It made me feel sort of human. I would like more cuddling in my life. Maybe thatís why I am the way I am. I needed more cuddling.

The book I am reading right now sucks. I will have to start another one cause I am just not enjoying this book very much. Itís strange and hard to follow the characters. Itís the sequel to ďIím Losing YouĒ by Bruce Wagner. I liked the new Erica Jong and if I could get it together to leave my house I could go to the library to get Little Earthquakes before the week is up.

Itís been strange to be stuck to my couch but I have enjoyed it in some ways cause I think thatís probably what I needed. I have been trying to eat less cause my digestive tract isnít exactly up to snuff cause of my missing gall bladder.

I do need to work on my stuff for school, make a run at my desk in my office, maybe order some new stuff, and figure out how to revitalize programming. But I will worry a bit more about this at the end of the week. Right now I should figure out what is gonna make me sleepy cause itís so late and I have less than six nights to get my sleep back on track.

I miss Baxter. I miss Big. Most of all I want to feel better physically.


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