2004-12-30 - 2:11 a.m.
No sleep again and I feel sick. IG didn�t call and I slept from about 11-3PM on the couch with painkillers in me.
I need to find some different stuff to eat. I had rice tonight, some milk and cookies but felt terribly sick. Maybe it�s the milk. I also had some more leftover potatoes. Maybe I took too many painkillers. I swear I am more stiff and uncomfortable now than I was last week after the operation.
A few things I remember. I got off the gurney myself and onto the table. It was narrow. I felt anxious, I tried to make jokes, I was uncomfortable. The anaesthologist attached some monitors to me. I didn�t feel comfortable at all. I kept wondering why the vercet wasn�t kicking in. Whatever they gave me for the breast surgery at least calmed me down. I wasn�t calm before this surgery. It might have been because I decided to sign and advanced directive that morning and I was alone. I kept thinking how alone I was. It was weird. He put the temp monitor on my forehead and then I think he put the drugs in my IV. I do remember waking up in the operating room and telling someone how much I hurt.
After that it was tough to wake up. I remember Janet bringing flowers in and trying to talk to me about 4:30 or so. Then Joyce showed up and I felt tired but I tried to sit up and talk to her. I had two cans of seven up and some crackers. I ate the Ritz sticks from the last plane trip because I hate saltines. I kept thinking wow, I�m not throwing up. I don�t feel like I want to throw up. I felt sore but okay. I was hungry but afraid to eat and I had to pee a lot. Joyce talked to me a lot about Risa. I talked to her as much as I could but I felt tired.
The pain in my gut was gone and the unpleasant taste wasn�t in my mouth anymore.
My breast surgery I was very sore and out of it. I also felt sick. I think I was under for a shorter period of time for this and they dosed me with some sort of miracle drug to prevent hurling.
I was grateful for that.
By the time I got home I thought I would sleep but I didn�t. It was weird.
When I recover from surgery I always feel like I am in a twilight world. It doesn�t matter when I sleep or wake. It�s sort of strange. I get tired easily but I think it�s also because I am somewhat bored, scared, and lonely. I am always alone in all this. I wish I wasn�t but I don�t even know how I would be if someone was with me.
Rudy told me he was a bit sick of me by the time I was done being at his house for the breast surgery. I was there four days total and the worst part was the ride home. He didn�t stay very long at my house. That surgery was much more involved. This wasn�t too bad. I have four little slits in me. The one by my belly button is the one that annoys me the most. It�s where the waist of my pants breaks on me. I will have to massage it cause it�s thick and goes into my belly button.
I want to recover quicker so I can work on my fat ass and my messy laundry room
