2003-01-12 - 10:58 p.m.
Off the Booty Call List
I am tired. I worked a ton this weekend at dumb jobs. One of which was horribly exhausting and frustrating�the other isn�t bad but still requires some brainpower and I have to be on my feet quite a bit�..so anyways�.all day I am looking forward to doing one of those school nite sex booty calls to IG and what happens�..but I call and get some bullshit on how he has an early morning so note to self�.next time you pick a booty call boy pick on who isn�t so anal about this sort of thing��I know I called late but shoot isn�t that what a booty call is for? And I was going to be doing the driving�..so yeah�..now I am in tears�.
Why is that? I am so frigging stupid. This just reiterates my secret desire for a real boyfriend not a booty call. I mean I don�t think Big is gonna come back�.
In the next month I don�t know when I will have a free weekend nite again. I even arranged to pick up the roommate from his Dad in the morning�.now that was stupid�..utterly stupid to use my �free night� as it were��
Here is what I should have said You know what IG? My semester starts tomorrow�bright and early. I have to teach three classes a day for the rest of the semester, plus my two committees, plus the move, plus all of the crap administrative meetings��. and hold down a bunch of crap jobs�.your life is busy�.yeah�it�s busy supporting that car�..I have to basically double my income in the next four months and hold together at the regular job through some budget stuff that is going to be insanely challenging�.
Why am I so angry right now? Why am I crying? What is wrong with me? What is so wrong with me that no man wants to commit to me? What is so wrong with me that I can�t even get someone who isn�t even the nicest person to let me come have sex with them? This is just so frustrating. I thought men wanted sex all the time? Well apparently this one doesn�t so��maybe I just need to make a list�..find some alternatives��maybe some delivery?
I need to stop this man addiction. Well, I mean the addiction to the IG�s penis. I could have had sex with any number of people in the last couple of weeks�.and who do I choose or want? The one who probably wants me the least. This is an insane thing that I do. I need to stop this thing with the food. I cannot continue to eat ice cream and crap cause I feel bad about myself. I need to go to an IG anonymous meeting and a Ben and Jerry�s anonymous meeting. Or maybe more elliptical training but when am I going to find the time for this stuff?
I need to lose weight. Maybe if I lost weight I could find someone who would want me. I mean this is just not working out this floating around aimlessly.
Okay, well I am going to try to stop feeling shitty here�..I mean I tried to do some nice things for myself. I got some tiramisu and some chicken spinach broccoli�and Big got Sex and the City on DVD from NetFlix so I am watching that. Plus there is a new Buffy. I love Buffy�..although here in my neck of the woods the only time it is on is Sunday at 10:30 which is weird but at least we get it�.the CBS affiliate carries UPN programming on Sat and Sun nites�very strange�.just Buffy and the wrestling. I guess the public demands it��and what is up with all of the slayers? Are they trying to stack the deck for some sort of Playboy mansion party with slayerettes?
I should be happy. I am entertained and fed....I am trying to finish my work for school which I think will be okay. Maybe. I need to get some other things ready but I am really worn out right now. My brain is fried.
I put the craptop on the coffeetable in the living room so I can write and surf while I watch the sex and the city episodes. I remember some of the episodes. I like to watch the early ones cause it helps me remember why Carrie loves Big so much. Sometimes I forget. I should be organizing some stuff for class tomorrow so I can spend my time packing up my stuff in my office.
Maybe I will go do that. Or maybe I should stop crying first.
