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2002-12-27 - 12:51 a.m.

Men seem to sort of drift in and out of my life. I have come to understand that's what I get cause that's all I seem to think I deserve. It may be back to counseling for me to try to work this out cause I need to stop drifting. When I drift there's a risk of crashing into something. My lastest dating efforts have been tainted with the realization that if I don't think much of me the guy I try to date won't think so much of me either. This became crystal clear during some converstations I had with someone whose ex-girlfriend got engaged. We also talked about dating and why I suck at it. He made me realize that since I don't know what I want and I can't express what I want I liked this person but realized..."Crap....I'm his friend and he thinks of me as a friend" So I think some changes are in order for the New Year. We'll see how I do.

Maybe I have to think about what I want. Maybe I need to step back and be alone. Really should be alone to figure it all out


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