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2002-11-27 - 11:57 p.m.

It's a start.

This will be the umpteenth time in umpteenth (I know it's not a word but hey this is my place for stream of consciousness drivel so deal) years where I spend the evening before a major family holiday wondering if I will ever have the kind of boyfriend who wants to spend an 'important' holiday with me.

I would have to say no on that one. I have tried over and over again to hook up with someone who might want to be more than Mr. RightNow.... but this boyfriend thing.... I just don't have the knack...

I think if it were more important to me I would go out and apply myself to finding the proper mate but I guess I know in the back of my mind that I enjoy the ride, the journey, instead of the destination.

Or maybe, I like sex. Perhaps I put too much emphasis on finding someone I can connect with in that way and not enough on the content of their brain. I can only think of one person I had sex with who wasn't quite Mensa material but they had a heck of a practical brain that could fix stuff. Everyone else...fairly intelligent and humorous. Although they really couldn't fix anything.

I just want someone who will say to me...

"I want to be with you" and that's about it. Is that so wrong? And why is it so hard for me to find someone to connect with like that?

I think a good start would be for me to start dating people my own age. Lately all of the lucky bachelors have been a bit younger than myself but then again I project a youthful air. I will always wonder how that happened. I haven't even started the Botox yet!

Oh I am just whining and feeling bad for myself....a few beers when I start to get my period will do that to me. Combined with a major holiday away from home and family Yeah...a little self-pity is perfectly acceptable I think


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