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2006-04-19 - 1:50 p.m.

"Oh yeah I went over to their house and they were kiblizoid on the couch after watching movies all day and geting stoned".........

I guess my stoner wonder boy found his poet stoner girl. Guess it's better than lawyer girl who won't come around.

He hasn't called in more than a week or spoke to me except briefly so yeah we're done.

I miss it but what can I do? I am just oan over emotional stupid person with unrealistic expectactions and delusional thoughts.

I need to wake up. All I have is this white box in the middle of the page to console me.

Itís done. I am so done. I will cry later but right now I feel like a crushed thing. Really crushed and all of the life and breathe done. What kind of life can I lead. Where can I go?
I canít compete with these tiny poetry girls with cute little asses and boobs.
Why I am so delusional to think that I am worth something to someone who treats me this way?

Where is my common sense? Why canít I think kindly of myself?

I hate this.

My self worth can no longer be wrapped up in my appearance or false crap like that. Itís so easy to write that sentence but how can I make myself believe it?

Why donít I believe in myself? How can anyone believe in me if I donít believe in myself?

 

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