2005-12-31 - 4:46 a.m.
ok...done editing....now drunk.....wish wonderboy wanted to kiss me or hold me but no.....I know....it's not to be. I won't cry. I am lonely and I want someone to notice me.
Women my age are just invisable.....so there's not much I can do until I lose some weight and hopefully someone will want me again. What am I suppose to do?
It scares me that I might never have sex again. It scares me that I think that the wonderboy might be something more than what he is.
I need to remember that I can have sex with pretty much anyone but who will I make films with. Who can I be creative with? I have to respect him.
I know that I don't need this.....it's just there are times that I want it.
I need to get over my crush......please someone help me with this.....
this just sucks in so many ways.......yeah I am crying....so what is to be done about this?
Maybe tomorrow I just need to sleep and not watch TV or anything. I don't want to feel bad for the second year in a row.
I should be so friggen happy right now and I am crying because of my lack of a sex partner......and the fact that the wonderboy can't deal with me.............or maybe I can't be mature. I guess I can't. I wish I could but my heart hurts. Oh why oh why did I let myself do this? Stupid.
